So, Where are You From?

A post with funny stories about my Love that isn't really about him but how we all see each other. 

My husband has coarse dark hair.  (If you asked him, he'll tell you it's dark brown.  Me, I'd say it's black.)  His eyes are a stunning, chocolaty brown.  His brown skin is what people think of when they say "olive complexion".  Because of this combination of features he is often asked where he's from.  His answer to this question varies with his mood.  I've heard him say he is:

-Hawaiian
-Navajo
-Eskimo
-Spanish
-Samoan

The truth is Kedar is American.  He was born here in Utah and raised in the Salt Lake Valley.  His mom is from Central America, so, he does come by his exotic looks honestly.  Because Kedar's looks reflect his heritage people often assume other things about him (that he speaks Spanish, which he doesn't).   These assumptions sometimes lead to humorous situations. 

For example:

- Many, many times Kedar has been approached by strangers and asked for directions...in Spanish.  (At least, we assume they are asking for directions.)

- While Kedar and I were at the temple recently a sweet, elderly woman who was there to assist patrons approached him. 

She spoke in a loud, slow voice, "WILL... YOU... BE... NEEDING... HEADPHONES... (she put her cupped hands over her ears) FOR... TRANSLATION?"

 Kedar smiled and softly answered, "I think I'll be okay."

- I was recently sitting with a friend of mine in her cozy living room.  She is from Mexico and although her English is beautiful she sometimes feels self conscious because of her accent.  As we visited she looked sincerely into my eyes and said, "Your husband's English is so good, he doesn't even have an accent!"


Kedar's has become accustomed to this and it has become something of a running joke between us.  He doesn't become offended or annoyed, and generally he finds humor in these interactions.

These funny misunderstandings have made me wonder though; how many times do I assume that I know someone simply by the way they look?  Speaking with Kedar for even for a very short time, a person would know that English is his first language. Similarly, I have judged people simply by their appearance, only to have my assumptions proven wrong after getting to know them a little better.

We have the opportunity to interact with our fellow men daily, what these brief interactions don't afford us is a glimpse into each others' lives.  Like looking at a reflection on a still pond, we see what is on the surface but nothing beyond.  Under the surface, in the depths of the water each of us carry with us experiences that define us, heartaches that have shaped us and happinesses that have molded us into who we are. 

We each go through our lives putting our best foot forward, but all of us deal with our own quiet trials that are not be apparent from the outside.  Taking the time to get to know where a person is coming from can make the difference in how we see each other and, by extension, how we treat each other.  By treating each other with compassion and charity, by expecting the best from each other (and ourselves), we build each other up rather than tearing each other down and we can strengthen and help one another as we each face our own private trials.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet." Marvin J. Ashton

So, the next time I am on the freeway and I'm cut off by an inconsiderate driver, instead of mumbling, "Jerk!" under my breath I'll remind myself that I'm not seeing the whole picture.  I am seeing the "hows" of their behavior but not the "whys," and then I'll try to be slower to judge. 

And the next time you see Kedar make sure to ask him, "¿De dónde eres?"