Brothers

When we found out that I was expecting the first time, of course, we were elated! Then, when we learned that we were having a boy it all seemed perfect! I have two older brothers so, having a boy first was, of course, perfect. My brothers, although we didn't always get along while growing up, were my heroes. I thought they were perfect (except when they folded me into the hide-a-bed couch). They were the best of friends (except when they were clobbering each other over the head with a ketchup bottle). And they always stood up for each other and for me too (always). I was so excited to be having a boy first; a big brother to all of the other kiddies that would come our way ("there will be at least three more," I thought, "at least").

After Conner was born it was a shock to realize how little we knew about having a baby. We loved him so much and were thrilled that he was with us but it was really hard too. He was colicky, had reflux and didn't sleep...ever. I would get defensive when people would ask if he was a "GOOD" baby. I certainly wasn't going to say that he was a BAD baby. He was MY baby and he was perfect in every way. But it was hard. It felt completely overwhelming to think about ever having another baby. Ever.

Then one day, just after Conner turned one, it wasn't so overwhelming anymore. Maybe it was because Conner had grown out of his colic and reflux, maybe his traumatic delivery was starting to be less crisp in my memory or maybe I was feeling a little more confident in being a mother, but for whatever reason, just like that, it didn't feel so scary, it felt right.

We found out that I was expecting again and we were thrilled! Another boy! See, it was perfect! Two best friends, two big brothers for any other kiddies that came along ("there might be another," I thought, "maybe").

When Ethan was a baby he was Conner's polar opposite. He wasn't chubby when he was born but compared to Conner's 5 lbs 7 oz, Ethan's 6 lbs 14 oz seemed like rolls and rolls of blessed baby fat. Not having to measure every ounce that went into him felt like freedom. He was happy and ate well. He wasn't really big on the sleeping thing either though, but still he was perfect.

The differences that were so apparent when they were little are still quite obvious. Conner and Ethan are like two pieces to the same puzzle. Their personalities are completely different but complimentary. Ethan is carefree to Conner's careful. Conner is steady to Ethan's spontaneity. They are usually each other's best friend. They are sometimes also each other's greatest nemesis.

Their relationship is familiar to me. It is the same dynamic that I saw in my older brothers. Sometimes it's a little chaotic but it's perfect, and I'm so glad that they have each other.